Tag Archives: altered beast

Altered Beast – Genesis – played it for 5

Introducing: “I played for 5 minutes”

In my journey through the land of old, retro games I’ve been finding that I’ll sometimes play a title for a few minutes, then put it down and never really get back to it. My hunch is that this phenomenon happens for one of a few reasons:

  1. The game might have a really steep skill/ learning curve. I’m guessing this is going to happen to me on real killers like Mega-Man. I remember trying out the series as a kid and having no success then – I’m guessing old me is going to get killed… a lot… and not make it very far.
  2. The game might take more of a time investment than I’m willing to give. Some of the big RPG’s will probably land here. Though, if I come to one of those games I really should know what to expect, so if I give one of them up it’s really on me.
  3. Finally, the game might just be rubbish. Let’s face it. Some games haven’t aged well. Some games would’ve appeal to a younger version of me. Some games have just always been terrible, which brings me to…

Altered Beast

Wikimedia.org

Altered Beast is the perfect game for the inaugural Played it for 5.

This is a dumb game.

I think Altered Beast was originally included with my Sega Genesis when I got it and I don’t remember ever liking it. At least partially so, because I was epically and completely bad at it. Now I was/am bad at most old games, but I was/ continue to be ridiculously, embarrassingly, hilariously, side-splittingly bad at Altered Beast.

So bad in fact, that I don’t remember ever getting past the 1st boss.

I mean, good Gord! There’s a flying thing that descends on your head to kill you AND YOU CAN’T STOP IT. Stupidity abounds!

There’s a flying thing that descends on your head to kill you AND YOU CAN’T STOP IT

Stupid evil bird thing

Altered Beast is a bad game. It’s really bad.

And seriously, what’s up with this guy?

What's this guy's deal?